literature

Last Summer pt 2

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Part 2

  "This is all your fault you know!" I spat icily into my phone hoping to god it pierced through to the receiver on the other line.
  "ooooooooooh…." The crowd of my friends behind me mumbled in unison. I had half a mind to fling a shut-up glare at them but halted short at the barely audible,
  "What?"
  "Wait how is this his fault?" Isamu asked me diplomatically while I was on the phone with him. I couldn't believe it! Was everyone seriously clueless that day? Did I have to do the thinking for everyone?! I turned to her with him on the phone, to make sure he heard this too,
  "BECAUSE IF HE DIDN'T PUSH THE STUPID IDEA OF MINOWA HAVING A CRUSH ON ME, FROM THE START, NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED!!!" She got quiet. Everyone did. In fact I don't recall anyone saying anything after that. I couldn't stand being in that spot…or better yet being ON the spot any longer.
  "I have to take a walk." Brusquely I left everyone on that porch speechless. Anger, annoyance, frustration, hurt, fear, insecurity, all of these emotions whirled around in my thoughts and spread out like a bacterial plague. Nothing logical could reach me. I wouldn't let anyone touch me…I didn't want to listen to reason…I was being a teenager…no…a child. I wanted to feel what I wanted to feel, and I wanted everyone to know how I was feeling and what I was feeling.
I wanted to be heard. I wanted answers. Problem is…what were my questions? And even if I knew what my questions were…who'd understand them?
Exiting the door of the house and impetuously screamed into my hands,
  "OH MY FRIKEN GOD!!!!!" and stormed off down the street. I wanted to punch the ground. I wanted to draw blood from my own hands. This feeling in my chest was anything but butterflies. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to curl up on the ground and let the earth swallow me whole. I wanted to disappear. I wanted the world to stop. But most of all I wanted the pain to stop. This powerful pain…this torture radiating from my lungs…from my heart…this wasn't the first time I had felt this. Some would call these panic attacks or stress attacks….I call them 'PANGS'….because it feels like an iron pan was slammed into your chest creating a PANG sound and feeling in your body. Before I had walked down the entire street I felt familiar warm hands rest on my shoulder; I turned my head instinctively and saw Minowa himself.
  'Bastard DID follow me….' I spat in my head. Of course…only now when I've reached my limit…only now when I have no strength left in my body to argue…only now does he try to make things right when everything's gone wrong. That was so typical of him. Did he honestly think that by following me things would get better? He completely crossed the line! All I did was ask him to talk to Jaidon for me and to fix this mess! What the hell?! I began to shiver slightly…then gradually my shivering turned to trembling. He didn't speak a word until I had opened my mouth to utter a few words of my own,
  "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry for yelling at you like that….but do you understand? Do you understand how bad of a position you put me in?" He hugged in response as I tried very hard not to cry at the medicine that was being provided to my re-opened wounds. What the hell was this!? What on earth had I become?!  I don't live like this 24/7! Where did all of this venom come from? Why was I thinking these thoughts? While he was hugging me he finally said what should've been said right from the beginning,
  "I know…I'm really sorry…I should've said that it was an accident right from the beginning…but I didn't and I'm sorry." I pulled back from him a little bit and I asked him,
  "Where did all of this come from? I'm taking my anger out on you guys and it's not cool in fact this makes me as bad as my father…I have no reason to be angry. I mean yeah you screwed me over with that message, but other than that I have no reason to be angry…so why am I? How did I become such a foul-mouthed tsundere?" I laughed as I fell into another hug. He laughed too,
  "I think it's because you've been hanging around with me and Kagami too much." I couldn't help but laugh myself. From the get-go those two make the most vulgar and non-shameful duet. I remember how I'd walk away in disgust of their behavior, or for the most part be in shock of how they could cuss with a straight face…now I was dipping my toes into that river too…and I knew deep down I didn't like it.
  "Yeah…" he started again, "definitely from hanging with me and her….and as for the anger thing? Well, you've had to deal with Milo's actions today, you have your dad as a main factor in your anger, your mom was gone…a great deal of the time you've been living up here leaving you to watch over your brother, alone, so you felt abandoned." I looked from the ground back up to his barely see-able face that was becoming shrouded by the night.
  "I have no reason to feel abandoned. I mean, yeah I felt that way back then but…I have you, Isamu, Katsu, Keiji, Michiko, Milo,…..Jaidon, all of you guys! And I know I'm loved by you all so why am I still angry or have anger issues?"
  "Hormones are a pretty key factor as well…" he looked off in the other direction. I rolled my eyes,
  "I had that happen two weeks ago bud I'm not due until the next two." Jeez…boy did I WISH that was the root of my anger…but one can't always get what they want. He looked at me with a bit more of a serious facial expression…or what I could make of it between the street lights and the night sky,
  "I wasn't referring to that but thanks for informing me." He replied sarcastically,
  "Minowa…why am I so afraid?" I asked him still trembling. But I knew why. Insecurity is why. Jaidon had become a part of my world…a dangerously close part of my world. Talking with him became my air. I needed it, I could barely survive the day without it, I longed for it and I loved it. I loved this sickeningly sweet torture, this drug I had willingly put myself under and fully submitted myself to without actually submitting anything. He had no problems admitting that he loved talking with me as well, though I highly doubt our communications had become as addicting for him as it was for me. We were friends and that was all we could ever be. It's what he wanted, it's what my friends have recommended, it's what Oka-san wanted (especially her), and quite frankly it's not exactly where I wanted to stay…. but I would rather have fit somewhere in his world than in no place at all.  
  "He hasn't said shit about me to his friends…and I'm trying so hard not to say too much about him!--" I snapped my eyes shut,
  "But it's not my fault when everyone wants a peek at what's going on in my world! Heck do you see me peer over their shoulders when they are texting someone?! No I give them their space and quite frankly it's none of my business who they text or don't text! But somehow it's okay to do that to me!? I'm trying not to say anything!" I looked at him the best I could; my eyesight was turning fuzzy on a count of the tears effusively falling off my face. Minowa pulled me into a hug once more and pulled me back with an earnest expression on his face.
  "Okay first off, you are afraid of what he thinks about you. He doesn't go to school with you like all of us do, and he doesn't know you like we do. So impressions and what he thinks about you are everything to you because he isn't around you enough to see you for you. At the same time you're very happy and excited you've been able to connect with someone outside of the world we live in, and you're struggling to keep that connection but at the same time trying not to keep who he is in the dark. It's the same thing with me and Miu. I'd get crazy uber excited about her and want to talk about her with everyone. And I'd always want everything to be perfect and want her to see me as perfect, because she doesn't live where we do. That and I don't see her as often as I see you or anyone else. But at least you've seen him on more than one occasion, each time I've tried to see her plans would get screwed around with. So I'd never get to see her… and yes I am waving your hands around with my hands because its fun and it looks like you're saying and doing what I'm doing even though you're not." We both laughed as I gave him another hug. By that time Isamu had found us and pointed out that my mother had pulled up in her car. I cleared myself of any signs of a mental breakdown before I began heading over there only to stop at Minowa asking if he could carry me back,
  "What?" I asked surprised and laughing.
  "I feel bad and I wanna carry you back." He grinned cheesily but when he saw my mom's car I didn't really have an option to object. He picked me up and threw me over his back and bolted to my mom's car,
  "Hi mommy! I brought the princess back safe and sound!" He cried out to her in a jovial shout. I was on the ground laughing so hard and still trying to get over the instantaneous pick-me-up, literally. I ran back inside to grab Michiko and all of our beach items. I had heard Milo make an almost mordant remark up on the balcony which totally ruined the good mood that Minowa had worked so hard to get me back into,
  "Damn kid doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut…." I thought to myself as I walked up the stairs onto the balcony. I poked my head out of the sliding glass door and found Michiko,
  "Hey we gotta split, my mom's here to take us home." I told her.
  "Okay." She replied indifferently.
  "Cool….where's Milo?" I looked back and forth on the balcony and he was nowhere to be found.
  "He's hiding in the corner." Michiko replied. He peered his head over the green wooden beach chairs of which he miraculously blended in so well with. I rolled my eyes and headed over to his direction. He flinched and put his hands above his head to shield himself,
  "Come on Milo, look I'm sorry for being as harsh as I was today. I'm not going to see you for who-knows-how-long and I really don't wanna leave you on a bad note." I asked him while opening my arms for that hug he's wanted to give me since I indignantly chastised him for his stupidity that morning. I said 'goodbyes' and 'sorry' to everyone and I thanked Milo's folks for the good time. Getting into the car my mom was cheery as ever,
  "Hey girls, how was the beach?" she asked us when we all shut the car doors.
  "It was fun." I replied strapping my seatbelt on.
  "Yeah it was good." Isamu replied checking her phone. Michiko was pretty quiet and objective. I don't blame her; the poor girl nearly froze herself to death out there in the water today. Looking back it was quite amusing to see how Minowa and I were Southern Sea kids for awhile and one would think we'd be used to the water; however we were the most hesitant to being in the water that day. Even Minowa was saying it was too cold. As we were sharing what had happened during the day I got quieter when it came to them sharing the point in the day where I had my incensed melt down.
  "Uh-oh you were being yourself today weren't you." My mother oh-so-not-so-sweetly replied in a caustic tone. I turned to her and said,
  "Excuse me? You know very well that that is an untrue statement. I do not live like that….unlike certain people we know who do live like that on a daily basis."
  "Okay, you're right you aren't like that all the time. But you can't deny that when you have a moment boy do you have a moment….hello I live with you." Mom winked back. I laughed a little and nodded my head,
  "Yeah….." I looked out the window flashing back through the memories of today, each scene appearing in sequence to the music that was playing in the background.  
  "yeah…" I sighed to myself.
  "Hey Isamu darling? Who are you talking to? Is it your mother?" my mother asked her looking in the rear-view-mirror. She looked up from the teal glow that her phone reflected off of her,
  "Hmmm? No I'm talking to Jaidon." She stated then returned to her phone. My mom looked at me through the corner of her eye; I blinked looking at Isamu in the passenger side-mirror,
  "You saved his contact info?" I asked languidly.
  "Yeah I saved lover boy's info. I'm only talking with him until my phones dies." She replied exaggerating the 'dies' part of the sentence hinting that it was going to shut off at any second. Hearing this, the pangs returned to my chest tenfold making it hard for me to breathe. I didn't want anyone else to figure out I was having a pang attack again…let alone I was having one in general. All I could do was contain them the best I could in until we got home. But I could feel something else inside me boil along with the pangs...what was this? Is this jealousy? What do I have to be jealous of? I samu's my friend and Jaidon is my friend. That's all there is to it! So what if she saved his phone number? Why do I care? I don't care! I don't care at all! A little thing like this is not going to bug me at all! But why did she save it in the first place?! I mean come on! Leave my contacts alone! Leave him alone! Don't get near him! I found him! He found me! He's mi-! I blinked rapidly and letting my head hang for a second...wow...some friend I am. Jealousy...it's such an ugly thing...and a sin that I wish to erase right now. I covered my mouth with the knuckles of my right hand and asked one small thing from Isamu….
  "Could you please tell him I'm sorry…." I asked looking out the window as we passed by the colleges and the prison guard back into the main town. Sorry was all I could say at the time. I couldn't say 'sorry, I'm kinda jealous that you two are talking even though what you two talk about is none of my business.' Yeah that'd work...It was apparent that he was either A) afraid to talk to me and run the risk of me wanting to chew his head off….or B) he didn't want to talk. The latter was an option I was deathly afraid was what was going on. That with her in the picture I would become vacuous to him…that someone else someone in my backyard was a better candidate and much more entertaining than I was. It had happened to me before…and again on more than one occasion…occasions where I put my faith in people who were new to my world. I was friendly and I made them feel comfortable...but those turgid dip-shits. In the end my efforts to them were wasted and they all ended up being popular and forgetting I even existed…heh I guess that's gratitude for ya eh?
  "Yeah she's calm now. She's sorry." She repeated what she sent aloud for all of us to hear. I closed my eyes to the star speckled night, resting my head upon my right hand letting one remorseful tear leak from my eye,
  "Thank you." Melancholy couldn't describe the degree of sorrow I felt. I was a fool. I let my hubris, my patronizing attitude, and my ingratiating desires fuel this catalyst. Milo is gone for another handful of months, I let my peers see a side of me that I don't like to show, and now I've gone and screwed things up because I let my pride and insecurities get in the way of a fun time. When mom pulled into the garage I didn't want to talk and her maternal instincts could tell I didn't. She smiled at me and I forced a smile back. Trudging upstairs I criticized myself for my imprudence. I flopped onto my bed and curled up into a human ball, symbolizing my childish and broken spirit. I clutched onto my plush toy and flipped to my left side where my phone was…staring at it…waiting for it to glow.
  "If he wants to talk to me, he'll reach out." I assured myself. I looked at the clock then back to my phone repeating the process until the darkness rose from the walls of my room and enveloped me into a broken slumber.
This was a story that I re-wrote a long time ago. It's technically a part 2 of the story and so reading this may be a bit confusing, but never fear I shall get part one up and going.

Anywho the characters go like this:

Main= Miku (pink haired chick)

Friends= Isamu, Minowa, Michiko, Milo, Katsu, Keiji

Mom= Oka-san (coming up with japansese name)

Miku's friend/crush= Jaiden

In part one I'll describe the character in more detail, I just wanted to get this part up and improvise later ^^;

Story/Art by: ©:iconbroken-with-roses:
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